I don't want to sit here and accuse people. I don't want to sulk in my anger. I don't want to speak with contempt towards something meant to equip me.
But then again maybe I want to. Maybe I should just say "I shouldn't" rather than "I don't want to"
Last time I checked I'm a sinner. Redeemed? Yes. No longer human? Not exactly.
I feel like I've said this a billion times before, but here goes a billion and one:
I AM NOT MEANT TO BE A ROBOT!
so get your dang tools off me...
Have you realized we're all being equipped for the Kingdom of God as it is now for the Kingdom of God yet to be revealed?
I love the song by Deluge Band where it says, "We won't be satisfied with anything ordinary. We won't be satisfied at all! Open up the sky, fall down like rain! We don't want blessing, we want You."
Do we? I mean, fine...I'll stop talking to you. Do I?!
The last time I checked I have been satisfied. I have filled myself up with puff rather than let God fill me up.
Back to my question: Have you realized we're all being equipped for the Kingdom of God as it is now for the Kingdom of God yet to be revealed?
So why are we making everyone a hand? (1Corinthians12.15) I feel like that freaking foot.
I have been told what to care for, who to have a heart for, and what orphans to take care of so long as I call myself a member of the church.
I'm not bitter. I am angry. I SAID IT! I am angry.
I have received glares from people whom I'm supposed to trust because I don't have a heart for the same thing they do.
Corina's mom made me feel like a million bucks just by simply stating (which she didn't realize how long I've studied what she said), "Not everyone has a heart for the same thing. I love the youth, but that doesn't mean you have to have the same heart for them."
When she said that statement it didn't sit well with me. I had all this conflicting information within me. I had all this experience with leadership giving me steps on being a leader and...well...that's pretty much it.
1.) Love people
2.) Get involved with youth leadership
3.) Smile off your uncertainty
I have had to spend the past two months breaking off the bondage of that crap! Who knew it would do so much damage?
I don't even know what I have a heart for any longer because I had all these people telling me what's the best route to achieve what they want for my life!
I felt like I had to love all these things everyone around me loved just to fit in.
Joshua22.5 says, "Love the LORD and follow His plans for your lives. Cling to Him and serve Him enthusiastically."
I stopped being enthusiastic a long time ago. I realized I had this huge disinterest in everything I "loved" and "had a heart for" but I pressed on because it was what I was supposed to do. It was just a bump in the road for me, and the reason God wasn't blessing me with this incredible sense of urgency for high school and middle school students was from something I must've done. I probably just needed to continue on down this road and repent of every second I went over the speed limit or for every time I farted in school and blamed it on someone else. I mean, I had to have done something wrong because I was convinced God just didn't like me!
Not that He hated me...oh no. I would always tell myself God loves me no matter what I do. But like me? Not so much.
The unconditional statement (not action) of love and the conditional like was all too familiar for me. I knew it better than the back of my hand...but that's only because I don't know many people who are intimately in love with the back of their hand so much that they must stare at it and know it so much. But that's another story entirely...
This isn't to be like "You dang Christian's! It's all your fault I'm confused right now!" No. I'm one of those "dang Christian's" because I don't believe it's proper for believers of Yahweh to say that about anyone living under the title "Christian"
Some of us are radical. Some of us are trapped. Some of us run around screaming in the woods. Some of us see into the spiritual realm. Some of us refuse a Heaven. Some of us pray when we need something. Some of us never stop praying. Some of us have caught the revelation of freedom. Some of us still believe in life unabundant before the Cross.
That's where the hands of Christ are. That's where you'll find the feet. That's where you'll find the liver and the heart and the brain and the large intestine and the gall bladder and the kidneys and the biceps and kneecaps and thighs of the body of Christ.
Some wrists are still chained!
Some ankles are still in shackles!
Some eyes are still blind!
Some ears are still deaf!
Why? Because we haven't fully grasped that not everyone is the same. We love the same God, but rarely in the same way.
Look for the "Dancing Man" (pardon me for not knowing his actual name) on Sunday mornings in the front of section 8, or on the left front side of Revival Town. He loves God with dance. Look for the man playing with his child outside of section 10 with a pink and green bouncy ball. He loves God by allowing his wife to enjoy worship while he calms his fussy child outside. Look for any pastor preaching a message. They love God by following a call from Christ to preach the Good News! Look for the weeping women. They love God with their tears. Look for the musician. They love God with their music.
Then look outside of the church. I don't personally know any of these people I've seen. NOT ONE. Do they still dance? play? serve? preach? cry? sing?
We call a building the church when in actuality, absent of its people, there is no church, because there is no body. There are no human forms making up the body of Christ, called the TEMPLE OF GOD (aka the church) making up the x amount of walls within this building.
You can't do church because you just are. You are the church because you are a part of the body of Christ.
I mean, I know I've heard it a billion times but never understood it. The building is not the church, I am the church. You are the church. Your friend is the church. Your mom and dad are the church. That annoying kid in freshman hallway is the church.
If we're living for a Kingdom not of this world, how come we're living just like the ones living for this one?
We're not meant for the mundane life! And we're certainly not meant for the same life!
Some of you will live long. Some of you will die young. Some of you will be prosperous. Some of you won't have a dime to your name. Some of you will travel. Some of you will stay put and impact your town. Some of you will build homes for orphans and widows. Some of you will build homes for millionaires. Some of you will run for office. Some of you will protest the government. Some of you will marry. Some of you will not. Some of you will experience parenthood. Some of you may become the mother or father of 100 orphans. Some of you will kill materialism. Some of you will build businesses. Some of you will be youth pastors or senior pastors. Some of you will sing hope to atheists. Some of you will be killed for your faith. Some of you will lay down your life daily for the cause of Christ. Some of you will rescue prostitutes. Some of you will become the janitor of a high school and lead a revival there.
So if we aren't all hands, why do we live as such. What a weird looking body, huh? Our feet trying to transform into hands and our liver and even our butt! Christ doesn't look weird. He does weird things, yes (weird by the fact of how countercultural He is) but He doesn't look weird. He's beautiful. He IS beauty. He is He is He IS! A person consisting only of hands probably wouldn't be that beautiful...
So stop making the church that way! Seriously, I can't tell you how freeing it was to realize I wasn't the same part as you, dear reader. I don't know where I go from here, but the fact that I'm free from the chains of mundane life and routine means I'm finally open and breathing easy the plans God has for me. So free yourself! If you have a heart for high school students THEN DO IT! If you have a heart for the homeless THEN DO IT! If you have a heart for prophecy THEN DO IT! If you have a heart for the arts THEN DO IT! If you have a heart for orphans THEN DO IT! If you have a heart for serving THEN DO IT!
Whatever your unique gift, spiritual or just plain talent, ask God how He will use it! And don't just go with the flow of things. Paddle against the current. You'll get nice muscles.
It is terrifying to step out in faith on the things God wants us to do. We are young. People will hate you for it. People will probably tell you to get a high-paying job (which isn't a bad thing...but if it's not your call don't sell yourself!) find a spouse, pop out a few, and die.
Which, like my last post reminded you: YOU ARE GOING TO DIE! What are you living for?
"Teach us to number our days and recognize how few they are; help us to spend them as we should." Psalm90.12
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