I lost communication with the mother ship, serene blunder.
I lost communication with the broken mirror, cut diamond.
I lost communication with the moldy almond, beam me up horsey!
The map in my brain isn't welcoming to the occasional passerby. However, it's totally accepting of strangers and close friends.
If the letter R defined your life how refined would you be, D?
-end randomness-
Today is the first day of the third year of my real life. Happy anniversary, Jesus!
But today started out in a ridiculous fashion. My morning looked like this:
I dreamt I was late to Women's Connect because I was stuck on a dirt road, next to a high pond, in a buggie, driving (as fast as possible) away from a pink dinosaur. So I called one of my leaders to tell her I had a sniffle and a headache like a ping pong ball so I couldn't make it.
And I promise you, I believed the dream was real.
So after waking up an hour before my alarm was set to go off, I get up, get ready, and leave in enough time to run in right when service starts...minus calculating in the possibility I might hit every red light along the way.
Hrmph.
I had about as much luck finding a parking spot as italics being called bold.
Maybe God is telling me one key thing:
SLOW THE CRAP DOWN.
Too often I would try to make things happen on my own; force relationships (dating and friendly), force careers, force love, and force God.
Maybe not just forcing God down other people's throats, but forcing God into my own heart.
Have you ever faked that your relationship with God was delicious and juicy and bright like an orange when it was really about as tasty as a railroad tie? Yup. Been there.
I want to believe that God is really all around us. Not like, "Oh hey! That tree is GOD!" because that's really stupid...but to realize God MADE that tree. God made you. God made me. I know, I know...what a freakin' revelation, right?
But do you really believe it? I'm just starting to allow God to show me when He's present. Which is always, if you didn't know already.
Side note...I get angry when people say "God showed up" like He went somewhere else? He's always there...it's when He's like, "Hey Holy Spirit...let's obliterate them with Our presence...since they're asking for it!" is when you feel that "God showed up" feeling.
I had a vision as I was falling asleep. I was in the same place with the same people saying the same prayers as one night last week and I said "Jesus come down" and I saw Him physically step through the ceiling tiles.
"What would you do?" kept running through my brain when I woke up the next day.
I mean, what would I freaking do? Like, "Oh hey, Jesus...don't mind the spiritual guns" Or would I invite Him to pray...to Himself? would I ask to wash His feet? would I die from seeing Him? would I cry? would I worship? would I be in shock?
But what's funny is this vision showed me the physical demonstration to a spiritual reality (not to steal from "Baptism's" tagline)
When you ask Jesus to come down, what do you think He does? "Awh...well...maybe tomorrow? I'm kinda tired right now..."
NO! He's like "HECK YESSSSSS! Step aside, satan, these are my kids! Oh wait...what are you doing taunting them? *sound effects of bug being squished*"
I want to be obliterated. I don't know about you, but I want to be completely obliterated by Jesus.
I know I am the target of satan's hate, but moreso of Jesus' love.
I'm overrun by love. I'm overrun by God.
I want to believe God is bigger than the galaxies. (because He is) I want to believe God is more real than all the human race. (because He is) I want to believe God is more real than fire and buildings and pencils and water and flowers. (because He is!)
I want to hear God louder than music and rushing rivers and tap dancing and twenty alarm clocks (because He knows I don't wake up for any of them) and wind on a windy day.
I want to feel God more than heat and skin and a cool breeze and a door handle.
I want Him to be a constant tickle-itch inbetween the right and left side of my brain.
Today I realized I'm a muddy boot in a sea of glass slippers.
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