CityLights

(listen to "Sons of Thunder" by Sleeping Giant)

open grasp
empty clasp
much to be admitted
(but much has been omitted)

closed door
wood floor
much to be admitted
(but much has been omitted)


-end-



I don't know where my head's at. I'm in a state where I'm not quite sad, not quite happy, but not quite numb. Maybe I'm just...open. Open to anything. Open to a picture to move me, open to a phrase to anger me, open to a song to make me cry or go run ten miles. I don't know! I have this urge to write. But about what? Naturally, God.

Oh, God. What a God! What a lover! What a husband! What a Savior!

In my lifetime I have literally sold my soul to other gods. Things. Drugs. People. Blades. Boys. Lust.

Literally sold. I was totally content with living enslaved to these things. Just things. Dumb things. Petty things.

Praise God for His sacrifice! I'm reminded of a journal entry I wrote back in September.

"How dare you turn my Father's house into a market!"

I'm not for sale. I will no longer bow to the culture god. Only the living God, Yahweh, breathes.

He sees, He hears, understands, loves, and speaks to us.

I've been bought with the precious blood of Christ!

I've been ransomed. I've been kidnapped by God. I've been born again through the womb of the Holy Spirit.

I've traded with God, my life for His. I've sold myself to Him, never to be re-bought.

When I entered the market as a slave, God waited. No bid was too high.

Upwards to a million dollars, God still bid. He was determined to make me His.

Finally He cried, "My life for hers!"

Bruised, bloody, broken -He hung with open eyes, gazed upon me as if breathtakingly beautiful and worthy of love.

He came back to prove He had died, but also for me to see I could have Him at all times. No religion. No building. No curtain. No animal sacrifice. Nothing standing between me and my Love.

So how dare I turn my Father's house into a market!

I've been bought. When I re-enter the market, I re-enter a slave hood which I've been paid in full from. I am not a dog returning to it's vomit.

I have been set free from weighty chains, whips, and fire.

My slavery is to Christ. My chains are to Christ. I follow Him and Him alone.

Apart from my Master the very breath in my lungs is nothing.

How dare I re-enter the market when my Husband waits for me.

He has been waiting. I've finally returned.

Some may find it a tad blasphemous or uncomfortable to think of the Cross in a thankful light. Yes, I wish it were me hanging for my sins. Yes, I wish I was whipped to pay for my preaching. But no, I didn't pay. I didn't go through any of it because He did. I am so undeserving to have had Him pay for them. It's unimaginable that He, being sinless, looked at me, the worst sinner of them all, and said "Yeah, she's worthy of my love." WHAT?!

That's crazy talk, Jesus. I mean...have you seen what I've done in my lifetime? Have you heard what I've said and what I've thought?

Yes?

Well..bu...bu...but

No. I love you.

But what about the time when I-

No. I love you.

-Hold the phone- I mean Jesus. Right hand man to God the Father. This dude is God. The. Freaking. Son.

He created sunrise and sunset and grass and sea and animals and me and you and words and trees and C minor7 (first, second AND third inversion!) and love.

If anyone should show hate to the world it should be the Great Inventor. He should hate us for how liberally we've flung love around like it's a pile of poo. Now, that's not to say showing love to everyone is a bad thing...it's just our definition is off.

If I remember correctly (which I do) 1John4 clearly defines love.

"God IS love."

Boom roasted. Bread toasted. Whatever. Schmerrr.

So God, loving everything, living within us, moving around us, is love and loves the whole world. (translation, He GODs the whole world, which I think is kinda humorous. [oh! And did I tell you how hilarious Jesus is?!])

Quick retrace, I realize I went on a rabbit trail....God should hate us because of the liberally spreading love...which by that I mean in terms of "Oh, let's make love" sense. Make love, not war? Yeah...then war is waged against the human in the womb because of that love that just needed to be made. But this isn't about abortion. That's for a WHOLE other post.

If God waited for you to be 'good enough' to earn His love, He'd be waiting a long time and so would you.

If God could use pigs to deliver the power of His message (Mark5.13) what more will He do with you!

That was actually probably a terrible reference, but I'm making an analogy here! He's not going to send an evil spirit in you and have you plunge over a cliff. But that showed His power! And that's where I'm getting at, what more will He do with you! He'll use a message of redemption, not destruction like He did with the pigs, to show His power.

You want to part the Red Sea? If God calls you, don't delay. Go and do it in the powerful name of Jesus Christ!

Maybe it's not literally parting the Red Sea (analogy, hellllllo!) maybe your 'Red Sea' is what you're called to do.

And seriously guys, I can't stress this enough...if you have a dream to do something so astronomically bigger than the sun of some distant galaxy far far away and no one seems to believe in you, I get it. And much more than I, Jesus gets it. One gift God has given me is to believe in the unbelievable, specifically for times such as these. A time so desperate for dreamers. So if you can't find a footstool to stand on to preach in the middle of the Strip in Vegas, you can use my back to step on.

Whatever the "Strip in Vegas" looks like in your personal life...I want to believe in you. Please, please don't let your dreams die. My email is bethanyervin@hotmail.com so send me your gargantuan dreams.

Last night I wrote this prayer, and I hope it's your prayer as well...

"LORD, help me to realize how brief

my time on earth will be."

Lord, that is my plea, my cry, my outburst. I need to realize how mortal I am, how fleeting my life is. Open my eyes to see I have the right to walk in Your will, and the right to chose not to. Those are my only options! Walk in Your will or walk in my own (or Heaven forbid -satan's). I think once I grasp how short my life is, I'll realize how imperative every moment is. What (or whom) will I invest my time and my life on? What will I spend my emotions on? Who will have my affection?

Lord, if it be Your will...I will go to great lengths to see You proud of me. I cannot walk without You beside me. I cannot stand without You propping me up. I cannot breathe without Your breath in me. I cannot see without Your help removing the veil. What is Your will for my life? Where can I best use the gifts You've given me in order that I may 'fight the good fight', 'run the long race'. I'm open to Your will, thought my flesh is weak, my spirit is receptive. I don't want to continue living someone else's story. I want OUR own, Jesus!