You must obey God rather than man if you're in awe.
-Badlands by the Psalters
This past weekend I took a wee bit of a trip to New Mexico. While there, it wasn't the most exhilirating experience of my entire life (though, past trips have been), I realized something about everywhere:
Roads.
Now, until I actually wrote the word "roads" I was originally not going to make some profound statement, but that's the way God works in me. It just hits me.
BUT! I will start off with the obvious. There are roads EVERYWHERE. It doesn't make any sense how someone could've gone all the way down Raton Pass just to explore, and then discover Ute Lake all the way out in the middle of butt no where and decide it'd be a good investment to pave roads all the way out to that point.
I mean...someone discovered that place! It's just so ridiculous to think of. Maybe you're not catching the same revelation, in which I believe you should go on a drive (right. freaking. now.) in the country and look around.
Two feet from the road isn't paved, so why didn't they pave there? How long did it take them to pave all these dang roads all the way out into the middle of NO WHERE? How much did it cost? Was is a businessman proposing it to be a good move to pave all the way out there? or was it just a farmer claiming his land? I DON'T KNOW AND IT BOGGLES MY BRAIN!
I've been out to New Mexico quite a few times, but this time it hit me. If the United States, even from the short 7 hour distance between Colorado and New Mexico, is HUGE -how much bigger is the world? And then how much bigger is the universe! And then how much bigger is GOD!
The news can make us aware of the different parts of the world, but until you're out there it doesn't make sense to accept you're small.
I'm tiny. I'm a speck. You're a speck. We specks have stories, but we specks are still tiny!
It doesn't make sense to pave roads all the way out into the middle of no where just so that one person per 20 miles can have a ranch. It doesn't make sense, but it's still there and I am so thankful for it!
Spending time on Ute Lake and seeing Mills Canyon atop a 500 foot cliff changes my perspective on things.
EPIC TRANSITION!
I don't want to spend my life following the paths of city streets. I don't want to go to the same destination as everyone. I want to drive on those back country roads, seemingly leading to no where, and occasionally off-roading it in order to find a jewel of Jesus.
Naturally this is all metaphorical for life pavement.
Maybe you want to follow in the footsteps of others and possibly make it even better than they did. Maybe you want to start where they left off.
Maybe you're like me and want to do something completely different.
Maybe you want to take the dangerous route (and if you want to be literal about it, I would suggest going here for entertainment)
I'm going to go where no one's gone before. You should consider doing the same.
3.30.2010
3.25.2010
Life abundant...powered by Duracell.
I get in a funk every once in a while. Right now, I'm not in that funk but I long for the day where I am again.
It's an undeniable need to get rid of things. Everything. Discard waste in my life. Start new.
I'm waiting for the day I want to be quiet again. Granted, no one around me enjoys when I'm in that time, but it's so so good. I actually THINK before I say, and thus I barely say anything.
I currently fill up the air with meaningless chatter.
Just recently I cleaned my whole room. There were things I even thought of keeping because I might "one day need it"
vocabulary papers from 7th grade until my senior year, algebra homework (just in case, right?), drawings from old friends, college letters, destroyed purses, keys, stuffed animals, a six year old coconut (long story), used batteries.
You name it, I probably thought about keeping it.
I was ruled by STUFF. I was stuck by STUFF. Granted, I still have a lot of stuff laying around but I realize now it's just...stuff.
If a fire comes, I am not my piano. If a flood comes, I am not my Mozart statue. If the ground swallows my house, I'm not my old journals.
No matter how much I said it wouldn't matter to lose this stuff, I'd still mourn as though a close friend died. Call me crazy, but examine yourself and then get back to me.
The worst part is I couldn't see it! I couldn't see that I was ruled by my stuff. I didn't need this stuff at all times, but knowing the order of things and where things were at just in case meant I had control.
It didn't come in the form of normal materialism because half this stuff I got at Goodwill or from friends. Worthless things. Useless things. Cheap stuff.
I would actually risk my life in a fire for my dang Korg. Granted, yes I am a musician and that thing is the most expensive and useful thing in my entire room, but risk my life for it?! I am priceless and that thing DOES have a price.
If Jesus were to come back in this lifetime, I don't want to be one of the millions of people grabbing stuff. Heaven's got the sickest pianos ever. Why would I want something made by humans hands?!
I say this with heavy conviction:
I need to get away from it all.
I want to live in the woods and experience an "Into the Wild" lifestyle. Even for a week.
Every second I hear noise. Whether it has a positive or negative effect on my day depends on what I'm hearing...
I want to walk places. Get my feet dirty. Scuff up my knees. Climb mountainous trails. Run barefoot.
Nature is my new iPod. The wind is the atmosphere. Animal footsteps are the bassline. Rain is the melody. Thunder is the drumline.
Give me that! Give me something to sing and worship to! If even for a week...
I'm just tired of the mundane.
Yes, I love music. Yes, I love technology. Yes, I love convenience.
But I can't help but think about Jesus living today. What would He use? Would He drive (if so, He'd use His turn signal!)? Would He ride a bike (probably, because bikes are AWESOME)?
Even for a week, I want to experience that life. No tent. No transportation other than what God glued at the bottom of my legs. No extras. No home. Nothing.
Flying free.
And now I regret saying this all because I feel like I can't even do it. Like I long and want to...but then I keep thinking, "Well I'll have to plan it all out and what if it rains?"
I want to trust God. I want wisdom like Solomon. I want freedom like Jesus. I want mission like Moses. I want revelation like Paul.
I want life and life abundant. Even if I have to go it alone.
It's an undeniable need to get rid of things. Everything. Discard waste in my life. Start new.
I'm waiting for the day I want to be quiet again. Granted, no one around me enjoys when I'm in that time, but it's so so good. I actually THINK before I say, and thus I barely say anything.
I currently fill up the air with meaningless chatter.
Just recently I cleaned my whole room. There were things I even thought of keeping because I might "one day need it"
vocabulary papers from 7th grade until my senior year, algebra homework (just in case, right?), drawings from old friends, college letters, destroyed purses, keys, stuffed animals, a six year old coconut (long story), used batteries.
You name it, I probably thought about keeping it.
I was ruled by STUFF. I was stuck by STUFF. Granted, I still have a lot of stuff laying around but I realize now it's just...stuff.
If a fire comes, I am not my piano. If a flood comes, I am not my Mozart statue. If the ground swallows my house, I'm not my old journals.
No matter how much I said it wouldn't matter to lose this stuff, I'd still mourn as though a close friend died. Call me crazy, but examine yourself and then get back to me.
The worst part is I couldn't see it! I couldn't see that I was ruled by my stuff. I didn't need this stuff at all times, but knowing the order of things and where things were at just in case meant I had control.
It didn't come in the form of normal materialism because half this stuff I got at Goodwill or from friends. Worthless things. Useless things. Cheap stuff.
I would actually risk my life in a fire for my dang Korg. Granted, yes I am a musician and that thing is the most expensive and useful thing in my entire room, but risk my life for it?! I am priceless and that thing DOES have a price.
If Jesus were to come back in this lifetime, I don't want to be one of the millions of people grabbing stuff. Heaven's got the sickest pianos ever. Why would I want something made by humans hands?!
I say this with heavy conviction:
I need to get away from it all.
I want to live in the woods and experience an "Into the Wild" lifestyle. Even for a week.
Every second I hear noise. Whether it has a positive or negative effect on my day depends on what I'm hearing...
I want to walk places. Get my feet dirty. Scuff up my knees. Climb mountainous trails. Run barefoot.
Nature is my new iPod. The wind is the atmosphere. Animal footsteps are the bassline. Rain is the melody. Thunder is the drumline.
Give me that! Give me something to sing and worship to! If even for a week...
I'm just tired of the mundane.
Yes, I love music. Yes, I love technology. Yes, I love convenience.
But I can't help but think about Jesus living today. What would He use? Would He drive (if so, He'd use His turn signal!)? Would He ride a bike (probably, because bikes are AWESOME)?
Even for a week, I want to experience that life. No tent. No transportation other than what God glued at the bottom of my legs. No extras. No home. Nothing.
Flying free.
And now I regret saying this all because I feel like I can't even do it. Like I long and want to...but then I keep thinking, "Well I'll have to plan it all out and what if it rains?"
I want to trust God. I want wisdom like Solomon. I want freedom like Jesus. I want mission like Moses. I want revelation like Paul.
I want life and life abundant. Even if I have to go it alone.
3.16.2010
I will start off with lyrics from Take It Back!
Hollow Eyes:
From the window of my middle class home I watch a man as he sits alone in the dirty streets. The cardboard under his feet screams about all his cold nights spent alone. People pass but no one seems to notice...his empty hands, hollow eyes, broken soul, and his need, need, need for just one person to care... So which of these words will bring him comfort? It is sympathy not empathy I feel as I sit and watch from my suburban castle. Living a life I will never know, I saw a man walking through the snow. For this lonely man the picture in his hand is all that’s left of the life that he used to know. The time goes by but no one seems to notice...his empty hands, hollow eyes, broken soul, and his need, need, need for just one person to care. So which of these words will bring him comfort? Cause it’s sympathy not empathy I feel as I sit and watch from my suburban castle... And now I realize that all of this means nothing without action. I will not just sing. I refuse to just sing songs about how hard life can be, while others lead lives that are more difficult than anything I can ever imagine. I’ll be a source of light in this dark world, a catalyst in this stagnant generation. I will use love to overcome this dark world...love to overcome this dark world.
I would suggest you go listen to it =)
But on to the reason of this blog...PLANS
I find myself sitting in one of five locations every day.
I'm either on my chair, on my bed, on the single seater downstairs, in my car, or the back row of the WPC.
I'm always sitting. Sitting sitting sitting. If I walk or drive somewhere, it's usually to go and sit. Granted, I'll be doing something along with that sitting, but it still remains that I am in a seated position.
I am so stationary. I can feel my spirit walking off without me. Dreaming about where it could be headed, who it could be talking to or impacting. My spirit longs for interaction. And yet here I am...sitting.
"Well, get up and do something"
Such a simple command and yet so freaking difficult to perform.
I feel stuck. I feel ambitious, but stuck.
I dream of salvation's and venues and planes and England and dirty feet and rejects and random houses and worship and the coming Kingdom!
But I'm just sitting. I don't know how to do it. I feel so incapable to even stand up. Literally and metaphorically. I am Nehemiah and I see a great need. I can't keep waiting to receive dreams like Joseph or hear a voice like Moses. What I didn't allow God to say was, "your call is different."
I mean, I'm a dreamer. I dream BIG and LOUD and a LOT. I kept dreaming other people's dreams and expecting that to be my life call. I dreamed of money and certain regions of the world because that's what I thought I had to dream about.
I was so bent on becoming what everyone else was so that I would "live radical" but still live like everyone else.
It's like, "you're unique! Just like everyone else..."
This past week I was having a particularly hard time with this concept of being like Nehemiah and being allowed to go after the needs I, personally, see that maybe other people aren't equipped for.
During my daily reading on Sunday I came across these verses:
"Help me to prefer obedience to making money! Turn me away from wanting any other plan than Yours. Revive my heart toward You. Reassure me that Your promises are for me, for I trust and revere You." Psalm119.36-38
"We can make our plans, but the final outcome is in God's hands. We can always 'prove' that we are right, but is the LORD convinced? Commit your work to the LORD, then it will succeed." Proverbs16.1-3
Half of me wanted to throw my Bible across the room, and the other half wanted to crack up. I chose to crack up.
I mean, I can NOT do this alone. It's too big of a job for me to accomplish this dream I have. I can't do it. Then came along Romans4 and kicked me in the butt:
"...But if you see that the job is too big for you, that it's something only God can do, and you trust Him to do it -you could never do it for yourself no matter how hard and long you worked - well, that trusting-Him-to-do-it is what gets you set right with God, by God. Sheer gift." (verses 4 and 5)
I keep wanting to say that I'm too dumb to accomplish this. But in actuality, if I were smarter and more skilled in the art of math or some crap like that, God would probably have me make buildings or million dollar homes and strategically place Bible verses on the insides of their walls or their toilet seats. If I were smarter and had different passion I would have a different call on my life. What a freaking revelation, huh?
But I am who I am. I'm not book smart, I'm not math smart, I'm not intellectual, I'm not a cook, I'm not a salesperson, I'm not physically strong, I'm not model material, I'm not an actress, I'm not an entrepreneur, I'm not a doctor, I'm not a pastor, I'm not a worship leader, I'm not an American Idol (ughhhh), I'm not a slave to society. I'm just not. I bury those dreams other people had for me and I'm going to move on.
"In kindness He takes us firmly by the hand and leads us into a radical life change" Romans2.4b
I've been so comfortable under this blanket of discomfort. I throw my dreams aside in order to refuse a life so beyond radical. I've allowed myself to live a mundane life, attempting to make something I, personally, can not make adventurous.
Of course, reader, your adventure looks so much different than mine. The life that I don't want, could very well be the life you long for! Not for being "safe" and "boring" but because YOU find it radical and inspiring.
That's the beauty of it! WE'RE DIFFERENT. Holy crap, I said it. We're different.
God uses societal-proclaimed idiots to change the world. God uses geniuses to change the medical field. God uses outstanding personalities to change television. God uses landscapers to enhance the beauty He is in a front yard. God uses athletes to run for a cause.
I want my prayers to be as powerful as Joshua's. I want to make vows to God on what big things I'm going to do in life and keep those vows by trusting Him to do it. I want to deny a grave-tending life and live adventurously expectant (Romans8.15 in the message)! I'm going to love the LORD and follow His plans for my life (Joshua22.5b). I'm going to allow God to teach me to number my days and recognize how few they are (Psalm90.12).
"Leave your impoverished confusion and live! Walk up the street to a life with meaning." Proverbs9.6
Seriously guys, if you feel ANYTHING in this just makes sense to you, if you have the same cry...let me know.
I'm choosing to live.
Hollow Eyes:
From the window of my middle class home I watch a man as he sits alone in the dirty streets. The cardboard under his feet screams about all his cold nights spent alone. People pass but no one seems to notice...his empty hands, hollow eyes, broken soul, and his need, need, need for just one person to care... So which of these words will bring him comfort? It is sympathy not empathy I feel as I sit and watch from my suburban castle. Living a life I will never know, I saw a man walking through the snow. For this lonely man the picture in his hand is all that’s left of the life that he used to know. The time goes by but no one seems to notice...his empty hands, hollow eyes, broken soul, and his need, need, need for just one person to care. So which of these words will bring him comfort? Cause it’s sympathy not empathy I feel as I sit and watch from my suburban castle... And now I realize that all of this means nothing without action. I will not just sing. I refuse to just sing songs about how hard life can be, while others lead lives that are more difficult than anything I can ever imagine. I’ll be a source of light in this dark world, a catalyst in this stagnant generation. I will use love to overcome this dark world...love to overcome this dark world.
I would suggest you go listen to it =)
But on to the reason of this blog...PLANS
I find myself sitting in one of five locations every day.
I'm either on my chair, on my bed, on the single seater downstairs, in my car, or the back row of the WPC.
I'm always sitting. Sitting sitting sitting. If I walk or drive somewhere, it's usually to go and sit. Granted, I'll be doing something along with that sitting, but it still remains that I am in a seated position.
I am so stationary. I can feel my spirit walking off without me. Dreaming about where it could be headed, who it could be talking to or impacting. My spirit longs for interaction. And yet here I am...sitting.
"Well, get up and do something"
Such a simple command and yet so freaking difficult to perform.
I feel stuck. I feel ambitious, but stuck.
I dream of salvation's and venues and planes and England and dirty feet and rejects and random houses and worship and the coming Kingdom!
But I'm just sitting. I don't know how to do it. I feel so incapable to even stand up. Literally and metaphorically. I am Nehemiah and I see a great need. I can't keep waiting to receive dreams like Joseph or hear a voice like Moses. What I didn't allow God to say was, "your call is different."
I mean, I'm a dreamer. I dream BIG and LOUD and a LOT. I kept dreaming other people's dreams and expecting that to be my life call. I dreamed of money and certain regions of the world because that's what I thought I had to dream about.
I was so bent on becoming what everyone else was so that I would "live radical" but still live like everyone else.
It's like, "you're unique! Just like everyone else..."
This past week I was having a particularly hard time with this concept of being like Nehemiah and being allowed to go after the needs I, personally, see that maybe other people aren't equipped for.
During my daily reading on Sunday I came across these verses:
"Help me to prefer obedience to making money! Turn me away from wanting any other plan than Yours. Revive my heart toward You. Reassure me that Your promises are for me, for I trust and revere You." Psalm119.36-38
"We can make our plans, but the final outcome is in God's hands. We can always 'prove' that we are right, but is the LORD convinced? Commit your work to the LORD, then it will succeed." Proverbs16.1-3
Half of me wanted to throw my Bible across the room, and the other half wanted to crack up. I chose to crack up.
I mean, I can NOT do this alone. It's too big of a job for me to accomplish this dream I have. I can't do it. Then came along Romans4 and kicked me in the butt:
"...But if you see that the job is too big for you, that it's something only God can do, and you trust Him to do it -you could never do it for yourself no matter how hard and long you worked - well, that trusting-Him-to-do-it is what gets you set right with God, by God. Sheer gift." (verses 4 and 5)
I keep wanting to say that I'm too dumb to accomplish this. But in actuality, if I were smarter and more skilled in the art of math or some crap like that, God would probably have me make buildings or million dollar homes and strategically place Bible verses on the insides of their walls or their toilet seats. If I were smarter and had different passion I would have a different call on my life. What a freaking revelation, huh?
But I am who I am. I'm not book smart, I'm not math smart, I'm not intellectual, I'm not a cook, I'm not a salesperson, I'm not physically strong, I'm not model material, I'm not an actress, I'm not an entrepreneur, I'm not a doctor, I'm not a pastor, I'm not a worship leader, I'm not an American Idol (ughhhh), I'm not a slave to society. I'm just not. I bury those dreams other people had for me and I'm going to move on.
"In kindness He takes us firmly by the hand and leads us into a radical life change" Romans2.4b
I've been so comfortable under this blanket of discomfort. I throw my dreams aside in order to refuse a life so beyond radical. I've allowed myself to live a mundane life, attempting to make something I, personally, can not make adventurous.
Of course, reader, your adventure looks so much different than mine. The life that I don't want, could very well be the life you long for! Not for being "safe" and "boring" but because YOU find it radical and inspiring.
That's the beauty of it! WE'RE DIFFERENT. Holy crap, I said it. We're different.
God uses societal-proclaimed idiots to change the world. God uses geniuses to change the medical field. God uses outstanding personalities to change television. God uses landscapers to enhance the beauty He is in a front yard. God uses athletes to run for a cause.
I want my prayers to be as powerful as Joshua's. I want to make vows to God on what big things I'm going to do in life and keep those vows by trusting Him to do it. I want to deny a grave-tending life and live adventurously expectant (Romans8.15 in the message)! I'm going to love the LORD and follow His plans for my life (Joshua22.5b). I'm going to allow God to teach me to number my days and recognize how few they are (Psalm90.12).
"Leave your impoverished confusion and live! Walk up the street to a life with meaning." Proverbs9.6
Seriously guys, if you feel ANYTHING in this just makes sense to you, if you have the same cry...let me know.
I'm choosing to live.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)