CityLights

I will start off with lyrics from Take It Back!

Hollow Eyes:

From the window of my middle class home I watch a man as he sits alone in the dirty streets. The cardboard under his feet screams about all his cold nights spent alone. People pass but no one seems to notice...his empty hands, hollow eyes, broken soul, and his need, need, need for just one person to care... So which of these words will bring him comfort? It is sympathy not empathy I feel as I sit and watch from my suburban castle. Living a life I will never know, I saw a man walking through the snow. For this lonely man the picture in his hand is all that’s left of the life that he used to know. The time goes by but no one seems to notice...his empty hands, hollow eyes, broken soul, and his need, need, need for just one person to care. So which of these words will bring him comfort? Cause it’s sympathy not empathy I feel as I sit and watch from my suburban castle... And now I realize that all of this means nothing without action. I will not just sing. I refuse to just sing songs about how hard life can be, while others lead lives that are more difficult than anything I can ever imagine. I’ll be a source of light in this dark world, a catalyst in this stagnant generation. I will use love to overcome this dark world...love to overcome this dark world.

I would suggest you go listen to it =)



But on to the reason of this blog...PLANS

I find myself sitting in one of five locations every day.

I'm either on my chair, on my bed, on the single seater downstairs, in my car, or the back row of the WPC.

I'm always sitting. Sitting sitting sitting. If I walk or drive somewhere, it's usually to go and sit. Granted, I'll be doing something along with that sitting, but it still remains that I am in a seated position.

I am so stationary. I can feel my spirit walking off without me. Dreaming about where it could be headed, who it could be talking to or impacting. My spirit longs for interaction. And yet here I am...sitting.

"Well, get up and do something"

Such a simple command and yet so freaking difficult to perform.

I feel stuck. I feel ambitious, but stuck.

I dream of salvation's and venues and planes and England and dirty feet and rejects and random houses and worship and the coming Kingdom!

But I'm just sitting. I don't know how to do it. I feel so incapable to even stand up. Literally and metaphorically. I am Nehemiah and I see a great need. I can't keep waiting to receive dreams like Joseph or hear a voice like Moses. What I didn't allow God to say was, "your call is different."

I mean, I'm a dreamer. I dream BIG and LOUD and a LOT. I kept dreaming other people's dreams and expecting that to be my life call. I dreamed of money and certain regions of the world because that's what I thought I had to dream about.

I was so bent on becoming what everyone else was so that I would "live radical" but still live like everyone else.

It's like, "you're unique! Just like everyone else..."

This past week I was having a particularly hard time with this concept of being like Nehemiah and being allowed to go after the needs I, personally, see that maybe other people aren't equipped for.

During my daily reading on Sunday I came across these verses:

"Help me to prefer obedience to making money! Turn me away from wanting any other plan than Yours. Revive my heart toward You. Reassure me that Your promises are for me, for I trust and revere You." Psalm119.36-38

"We can make our plans, but the final outcome is in God's hands. We can always 'prove' that we are right, but is the LORD convinced? Commit your work to the LORD, then it will succeed." Proverbs16.1-3

Half of me wanted to throw my Bible across the room, and the other half wanted to crack up. I chose to crack up.

I mean, I can NOT do this alone. It's too big of a job for me to accomplish this dream I have. I can't do it. Then came along Romans4 and kicked me in the butt:

"...But if you see that the job is too big for you, that it's something only God can do, and you trust Him to do it -you could never do it for yourself no matter how hard and long you worked - well, that trusting-Him-to-do-it is what gets you set right with God, by God. Sheer gift." (verses 4 and 5)

I keep wanting to say that I'm too dumb to accomplish this. But in actuality, if I were smarter and more skilled in the art of math or some crap like that, God would probably have me make buildings or million dollar homes and strategically place Bible verses on the insides of their walls or their toilet seats. If I were smarter and had different passion I would have a different call on my life. What a freaking revelation, huh?

But I am who I am. I'm not book smart, I'm not math smart, I'm not intellectual, I'm not a cook, I'm not a salesperson, I'm not physically strong, I'm not model material, I'm not an actress, I'm not an entrepreneur, I'm not a doctor, I'm not a pastor, I'm not a worship leader, I'm not an American Idol (ughhhh), I'm not a slave to society. I'm just not. I bury those dreams other people had for me and I'm going to move on.

"In kindness He takes us firmly by the hand and leads us into a radical life change" Romans2.4b

I've been so comfortable under this blanket of discomfort. I throw my dreams aside in order to refuse a life so beyond radical. I've allowed myself to live a mundane life, attempting to make something I, personally, can not make adventurous.

Of course, reader, your adventure looks so much different than mine. The life that I don't want, could very well be the life you long for! Not for being "safe" and "boring" but because YOU find it radical and inspiring.

That's the beauty of it! WE'RE DIFFERENT. Holy crap, I said it. We're different.

God uses societal-proclaimed idiots to change the world. God uses geniuses to change the medical field. God uses outstanding personalities to change television. God uses landscapers to enhance the beauty He is in a front yard. God uses athletes to run for a cause.

I want my prayers to be as powerful as Joshua's. I want to make vows to God on what big things I'm going to do in life and keep those vows by trusting Him to do it. I want to deny a grave-tending life and live adventurously expectant (Romans8.15 in the message)! I'm going to love the LORD and follow His plans for my life (Joshua22.5b). I'm going to allow God to teach me to number my days and recognize how few they are (Psalm90.12).

"Leave your impoverished confusion and live! Walk up the street to a life with meaning." Proverbs9.6

Seriously guys, if you feel ANYTHING in this just makes sense to you, if you have the same cry...let me know.

I'm choosing to live.